praying for the best

.. praying for the best. me n u. forever. hopefully. :)

tirai malam

.. ermm.. tot things would b back to normal. ......

how am going to start this. well again, mix emotions occured. i cried n let it out to you about what and how i felt these past few days. u were listening n though i hope u understand. things back to normal without any doubt in my heart. tot that u can listen n accept to what i said. then again, i dont mind of what has happened. u x even tell me that u were ere since early in the morning. u went to the training without inviting or tagging me along. well, i dont mind that but u x even tell me that ure going this morning. *sigh*

after all, i dont mind all that either. coz to me i just wanna b with ya. going thru life as normal. be as what it was supposed to be. again, i asked you whther u love me or not. u answered truthfully that u feel nothing towards me. empty. just dont think about it too much. as long as ure next to me n im next to u that more than enough. *sigh*

it make me think back again. am i like forcing you to b with me. did u be with me just because u dont wanna see me crying like a baby. will that reali make me happy. that was not what i want. i know that i cant force u either. shit. i just dont know how long things gonna be like this. crying again n over again. i just cant take it. in fact, i cant even live without u. why am i like really stuck in this kind of situation. ya Allah, help me n gimme some guidance.

tah lah. ak rasa bersalah sgt. hidup tanpamu ku sakit. bersama juga sakit. i just dont know. when r u going to understand me. to dig what inside my heart that i wanted to b with u so badly. to love n be loved.

miss u

.. talk to me bb. i miss ur voice. i miss to see ur smile. i miss to chat with u. i miss evrything. i miss u so much. i wanted to talk to you so badly. i wanted to know everythings that happened these past few days. im always concern about you. i wanted to talk to u so badly..

.. i asked u. "sayang i tak" n u were like just keep quiet. i guess this might not be the right time to ask. think back again, when will i have the time then.? tmr u'll be leaving to klwmbc for about two weeks. do i really have to wait that long just to get things clear. i wonder whats inside ur heart now. n i couldnt do so a i scared that u might say i been controlllng u again. *sigh* how am i going to understand on what u want if u dont even want to say a single words with me... please dont do this to me. i miss all our happy time together. the joy, the laugh, the smile..

.. ive becoming insane lately. what i can do is just pray to God for a better environment and ambience..


.. BB, I MISS U.!

I don't wanna miss a thing

.. im in shah alam. n im happy to see u again eventhou ure like quite cold towards me. just perform maghrib n i cried again. mungkin kali nih menangis kegembiraan atau tangisan takot keadaan akan bertambah menjadi worst. haih. since that nite i never forget to doa that things would b back to normal. i know this might sounds crazy but what other options that i ave. i can rely on friend to make things better. only Allah might help me to find a better soulution. no matter what the consequences gonna be like nearly, i hope Allah will give me the strengths to face it. well, if it were my choice, obviously i will choose to be with you forever n ever. but then again i just dont know how.

.. is there still love in you.? is there still me inside ur heart..? is it me the one that u want.. is it me that u always wanted to see n to be with. all sorts of questions mingle around my mind. *sigh**

.. i love u. more than u ever know. well, im a guy. eventhough at times i x really show it to u but i do hope that u undestand that u re the one that i've been looked up for all this while. i met lots of people before n they were never the same as you. you meant everything to me. you are my bestfriends. friend to talk. to listen. to cheer me up. to be with me. to hang out with. to go eat with. haih. too many things to mention on what we've been through together n i realli realli appreciate that. i would want things to be like this for a long time. forever if possible.

.. this past few days been really tortured me & hope this will end realli soon. ive seen u everywhre. at home. at the mall. in my car. in pj. in shah alam. at movie. whereever i go i always feel that ure besides me. next to me. coz lotsa thing we been through together. name it the place.. i can see u n only u. maybe thats one of the reason i dont mind went out alone while u were not with me. i went movie alone. go hanging around at mamak alone eating. window shooping at the mall. coz i always can see u anywhere. i always believe that u n me were meant to be together.

.. looking at u lying down on the bed. i feel so happy n excited. i feel like hugging n kissing u but there's something in mind that stop me from doing so. do u want it. do u realli miss me. were u ere with me coz u wanna be with me or so forth. *sigh* what am i been thinking. why shd i thk abt it too much. remembering what you've told me before while we were chatting on the phone... i menyampah dh dgn u. u control i sgt. i x even have the freedom to be on my own. to be with my friends. where's your friends..? why cant you go out with them rather than coming down to Club Med to see me. no one would ever wants to be ur friends due to ur attitude. all sorts of statement was like a big hole punching through my heart. but somehow rather it make me think it might b true. i dont have lots of friends. ermm..

.. i scared that leaving u alone. giving u space will distort u mind from thinking n loving me. haih. but then again. i think ive to let u be as what u want it to be. go with the flow of yours. but deep inside me im dying again n again. *sigh* how if one fine day u came up to me n say that u dont want me anymore. i really2 hope this would never happen. no matter how big is our arguments dont u ever say that u gonna leave me as i cant accept it. our arguement should not end with a bye bye. thats not the way to overcome a problem. that is never ever a good way to end the relationship. sit down n think of the possible solutions. haih. i just cant take it if u say that u gonna leave me. seriously. now, everyday i pray to Allah to open up my mind as well as ur mind. to not rush things out n to be good towards each other.


I MISS U BB.. ( eventho now ure like just in front of me napping)

I don't wanna close my eyes
I don't wanna fall asleep
'Cause I'd miss you, babe
And I don't wanna miss a thing
'Cause even when I dream of you
The sweetest dream will never do
I'd still miss you, babe
And I don't wanna miss a thing ....

Lying close to you
Feeling your heart beating
And I'm wondering what you're dreaming
Wondering if it's me you're seeing
Then I kiss your eyes and thank God we're together
And I just wanna stay with you
In this moment forever, forever and ever ...

when would the wounds heals

.. i wonder if u miss me this past few days. but how am i goin to know if ure or not.. u x even tell me that ure coming back to shah alam. i wonder why. things that u told me were to send your lappy n jeans. thats how i figure out that ure coming back or maybe ure back already. again mix emotion over my mind. i cried for a while while working after u text me. **sigh** why cant u text me saying that ure on ur way or sumthing. whats wrong with that. u knw ive been waiting for u to come back. i tried to b strong pretending as if im ok but deep inside me im dying. i cried at time thinking of u. thinking of whats gonna happen next. i never stop thinking about u. every hour. every minutes. every seconds. from the moment i woke up from sleep til the end of the day. life is all about sadness n frustation as well as wondering.

.. day at work. people been lauhging, chatting n had fun. so do i coz i just laughed outside but dying inside. i couldnt pay attention n focus on work. my mind keep on thiking abt you after knowing that ure already ere. tot of just leave work n go to you but it was busy day at work. i've to carry on with responsibilities n promise to work till at least 6pm. that make me more upset. few times i went to toilet as cant stop tears from coming out coz i realli2 wanted so badly to see u. but then again it pop up to mind. what will happen next after we meet up. fight..? another scene..? happy..? sad..? emotions..? anger..? shitt.. i just cant stop myself from thinking those things.

.. trying to hold you from goin to KLWMBC as i wanted to spend time with u. i dont mind giving up on work just to be with u.. wats the point of having money but deep inside me is not happy. at least i did tried to ask u not to go. but u still insists on going. i cant do much or u would repeat ur same dialogue saying that im controlling ur life. no that is not wat it was suppose to mean. i just wanna be with u after all the sadness n frustration. i just can be at home without u.

.. when i was driving on my way back, i think abt whats gonna happen later. i cried thinking that worst might happen n somehor or rather crossed to my mind that i would rather jump from the windows if u might say somethng that hurts me. i just can accept it anymore. i am dying every seconds. the reasons why i live is to get another chance from u. hoping that u would understand my feelings n wats inside.. i miss u bb..



**wonder if u actually miss me these past few days**
frankly speaking i misss you so much n it hurts.


xoxo.

rise & shine

.. rise & shine bb. i love you. i miSs you so much. mwhaaakxxx.


xOxO.

coretan di malam hari

.. erm. it was not my intention to control you. it was never meant to be that way. its been two years. ure like my brother, ure like my sister, ure like my mother, ure like my father to me. all i have all this while were you n you. no one else. i talked to u. i listen to u. i laugh with u. i cried with u. i feel all the joy, pain as well as happiness with u. u tell me on how or what i should feel knowing that ure about to leave me..? just laid back & chilled..? uhuh..

not that im too obsessed towards you but i was more like extra concern about you coz u meant everything to me. no one else could ever replace you. thats for sure. but then, it is hard to convince you that i really2 love u. i really care about you with all my heart & soul. cant u understand that im all up for building up this relationship..? ive put all the efforts that i could just to make you happy. just to make sure you dont feel left out. to include u in every aspect of my life with u. to sit next to you. feeling all the joy & pains together. im sorry if i made u uncomfortable or awkward.. i do love u till now. even stronger than before.

MISS u BB. nity nites. sleep tight.

xOxO..

stil missing you

.. haih. i miss u so much.. i just cant stand cryin thinking of you every seconds. evertime. every minutes. every seconds. wat i ave on mind is only you you n you. well, i might not b like u. u ave lots of frd to hang out with to talk to listen but i dont. all this while i only have you to company me. to cheer up my life. ure like my brother, ur like eveything to me. and now i ave to accept that i dont have all the opportunities to do so. u dont need me. u dont love me. i just dont know how to move on not to have in besides me now.

i am realli2 upset. i dont like this kinda feelings. i dont know to whom shall i talk. i just dont have anyone. what i need is you and now that ure gone.my God. i miss u so much. *sigh* i just dont know when can i be like before. happy n stuffs. my life is so miserable without you by my side. i miss u.

everytime when i feel like text-ing u, i cried. everytime when i feel like talking to u, i cried. coz i dont have the chance to do so anymore.. when will all this feelings end.. God, please give me strength to face all this. ;(

I MISS YOU SO MUCH BB.. *sobb sobb*

missing yOu

.. ermm. its friday. i still missing you. eventhough u r bz with ur life nOw i presume, i still hope for the best for u n me. after wat u've said to me few days back, i realized that i had to go on. yea, i was hurt with all your words but somehow or rather it changed me a bit. doesnt matter if u r not here with me as im living with all the memories that i have with you. i cherished all our time togehther.

walaupun kau selalu kata kau tidak pernah bahagia dgn ku tetapi aku tak pernah merasakan yang aku tak bahagia dengan dirimu. aku selalu bersyukur dengan kehadiran dirimu didalam hidupku. aku bertuah kerana pernah memiliki dirimu sebagai teman. aku tak pernah menginginkan insan lain selain dirimu. kau selalu beranggapan bahawa aku memerlukan dan menginginkan insan lain tetapi believe me, i don't. i know what i want and whats the best for me.

dan tak pernah terlintas di dalam fikiran dan hatiku untuk mengawal hidupmu tetapi mungkin kerana aku terlalu sayang pada dirimu. jika kau rasakan yang aku terlalu mengawal hidupmu jutaan maaf aku pinta. kini .. aku akan menjalani kehidupanku yang sendiri tanpa lagi dirimu di sisi. aku akan cuba menyesuaikan keadaan untuk meneruskan aktiviti seharian tanpa kehadiran kau disisi.

dah hampir dua tahun kita bersama tetapi kau masih tidak dapat memahami isi hati ku ini. well, i dont blame you. maybe i prefer to be mysterious instead. but having said all that, i do n realli love you no matter what. mungkin apa yang perlu aku lakukan sekarang ini adalah untuk tidak terlalu menaruh harapan yang menggunung tinggi terhadap dirimu.. i'll just be as what n how u want. tetapi jauh di sudut hati, aku terlalu merindui dirimu yang jauh. *sigh*

jika kita di takdirkan sampai di sini sahaja aku terpaksa redha dan aku selalu mengharapkan yang terbaik buat dirimu dan kebahagiaan dirimu didalam apa jua situasi. aku akan selalu merindui dirimu dan mencintaimu. biarlah aku hidup dengan segala kenangan kita bersama.. terima kasih cinta!

Love Happens

.. went out for movie, alone and i decided to watch 'Love Happens'. its a romantic drama starring Aaron Eckhart and Jennifer Aniston. When a self-help author arrives in Seattle to teach a sold-out seminar, he unexpectedly meets the one person who might finally be able to help him help himself. Dr. Burke Ryan (Eckhart) is on the precipice of a major multimedia deal, but the therapist who asks his patients to openly confront their pain is secretly unable to take his own advice. Eloise Chandler (Aniston) has sworn off men and decided to focus on her floral business. However, when she meets Burke at the hotel where hes speaking, there is an instant attraction. After all these two people who have met the right person at exactly the wrong time able to give love another chance. As each struggles with the hurt of love and loss, they realize that in order to move forward, they need to let go of the past. And if they can, they'll find that.. sometimes .. :)

happy ending & couldn't stop tears from coming out towards the end of this movie.



Love Happens, sometimes when you least expect it

Derita Merindu

Kau katakan cinta gunakan akal
Bila aku gunakan, kau yang menyangkal
Bagaimana nak kekal
Kau katakan cinta gunakan minda
Bila aku gunakan, kau yang tak percaya
Bagaimana nak bahagia

Maafmu tak bererti, kau mudah sesali
Berulang kali telah kau mungkiri
Manis mulut berjanji terpedaya lagi
Menanti biar terus didustai

Kaulah bahagia (bagiku)
Kaulah derita (bagimu)
Esok lusamu
Tak ku kenal lagi engkau siapa

Dan aku cuba sedaya upaya
Telah ku usaha dengan sepenuh jiwa
Bagaimana hendak ku lupa
bayangan wajahmu selalu di depan mata
harum baumu masih dapat ku hidu
Bagaimana ingin aku membencimu
Jikalau setiap hari merindu
Sekiranya derita merinduimu itu sebenarnya bahagia..
Aku pilih derita..

Kaulah bahagia (bagiku)
Kaulah derita (bagimu)
Esok lusamu, tak ku kenal lagi engkau siapa

Mungkinkah esok atau lusa walau biarpun lama
Akan ku biar tiada ku tetap kan setia
Entah bila akan tiba sampai jua harimu yang sama
Esok seperti semalaman yang tak berubah

Kaulah tanda tanya.. kau tiada titik noktah
Ku dibuai mimpi lena dikejut igau semula
Kaulah tanda tanya.. kau tiada titik noktah
Ku dibuai mimpi lena dikejut igau semula

Seandainya kau berada di depan mata
Mudah untuk aku berkata-kata
Supaya dapatku melihat seraut wajahmu
Walaupun belum tentu kau mahu bertemu
Apalagi memandangku
Setelah ku turutkan segala kemahuan kau mainkan perasaan
Begitu mudah kau ucapkan terimalah saja kenyataan..
Aku masih terkilan

Maafmu tak bererti, kau mudah sesali
Berulang kali telah kau mungkiri
Manis mulut berjanji terpedaya lagi
Menanti biar terus didustai

Kaulah bahagia (bagiku)
Kaulah derita (bagimu)
Esok lusamu, tak ku kenal lagi engkau siapa
Kaulah bahagia (bagiku)
Kaulah derita (bagimu)
Esok lusamu, tak ku kenal lagi engkau siapa

Jika kau dapat memahami hati seorang perindu
Baru kau tahu derita hatiku
Jika suatu hari nanti giliran kau merindu
Baru kau ingat derita diriku
Segala yang berlaku bukan kemahuanku
Apa gunanya bahgia
Jikalau bahagia bersamamu hanyalah untuk sementara waktu
Aku pilih derita merinduimu

Maafmu tak bererti, kau mudah sesali
Berulang kali telah kau mungkiri
Manis mulut berjanji terpedaya lagi
Menanti biar terus didustai

Kaulah bahagia (bagiku)
Kaulah derita (bagimu)
Esok lusamu, tak ku kenal lagi engkau siapa
Kaulah bahagia (bagiku)
Kaulah derita (bagimu)
Esok lusamu, tak ku kenal lagi engkau siapa ..

.. lepaskan dia pergi jika itu kemahuan akal fikiran + hatinya. jika dia sememangnya milik aku dia akan kembali dengan sendirinya tanpa paksaan ..

ak lepaskan dia dengan seadanya tanpa rasa penyesalan dan mengharapkan kepulangannya ke pangkuanku..